Absolution
by ILuvSnuffles805
Summary: 30 years after joining the Cullens and leaving Forks behind, guilt and uncertainty have brought Bella back. Can she make peace with her deceased father, earn Jacob's forgiveness, and help him finally find his own happy ending? -STARTED BEFORE I READ BD!-
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Twilight and all its characters belong to the incredibly gifted Stephenie Meyer_

_**Chapter One**_

Jacob could feel the blood pulsing through his veins as he raced through the darkening forest. His heavy paws dug deep into the warm brown earth with every stride. He pushed his legs faster, excited as the disgustingly sweet scent stung his nostrils. _It's getting closer…_ He thought to himself hungrily. There was no reply, merely silence that seemed to echo within his mind. Jacob Black was the only werewolf left in La Push; after the Cullens left Forks, there had been no more vampires in the area. Over the years, the need for protection had faded away and the pack's numbers had begun to dwindle. Now there was only one.

Deep inside, Jacob knew that there was no reason for him to continue phasing, but there was something deep within him that refused to let him stop. He had had the discussion with his former pack brothers countless times.

_"Jacob, be reasonable__ Sam's eyes hardened as he gazed at his friend__How can you go on like this?"__ As he spoke, he smiled down at his young granddaughter, who he bounced lightly on his lap.__Think of everything you're missing!"_

_Jacob let out a sigh. That was what they all said – Jared, Paul, Quil, Embry, Seth, even Leah. __They had all either imprinted or simply fell in love__ years ago. __N__ow that they lived as humans, they were free to have normal lives, to grow old with the ones they loved and raise __their__ children__. They were all so happy watching their families grow and wished that their friend would settle down and do the same. _

_H__ow many__ years__ have you and the others been telling me that__, Sam__ Jacob__ reached out a long index finger __to__ little Allison Uley__ who __squeezed it firmly and began tugging it back and forth, giggling. Jacob smiled softly, despite his frustration. "I'm not missing anything! I've still got Rachel and Rebecca, and their families."He paused a moment__, thoughtful__. That wasn't entirely true. His sisters and their children lived thousands of miles away. An annual Christmas card was the most contact he had had with __any of __them in years_

_And__," Ja__cob__ continued hurriedly, realizing that Sam could see right through him, "I have this." He nodded downward toward Allison who still held his finger in an iron grip. __"I mean, what would any __of __you guys do without 'Uncle Jake' around to babysit all the time?" He gri__nned as he looked down into his __friend'__s aging __face.__ He was finally getting used to watching his pack brothers grow and change while he remained the same, trapped in his seemingly eternal youth._

_Sam couldn't help but smile in return. "__I have to admit, you __have__ been a big help to all of us. Plus,__ Quil and Claire have got another one on the way__… we'll all have our hands full again in no time." He chuckled softly before his expression once again hardened. "But we're worried about you… you can't keep living alone like this. Why don't you just make the same decision the rest of us did and –"_

_"I'm happy like this, really."__ Jacob replied firmly as he gently removed his finger from little Allison's fist. "You guys are all the family I need."_

_Sam stood slowly, gently setting his granddaughter onto the floor. She stumbled on wobbly legs toward the kitchen where her grandmother was baking cookies. Sam smiled after her fondly before turning back to Jacob. "Then why don't you just stop phasing and open up a daycare?" He said this with a smile, but there was still a hint of sincerity in his voice which Jacob did not miss._

_"I've been telling all of you for __decades__I'm__ happy like this!"_

_"Ja__cob__, you're __not__ happy. All of us can see that."_

_"Will you just leave me alone? It's my life and I can spend it however I want!"_

_"Then think of Billy! What would he think if he saw you now?"_

_Jacob clenched his teeth and curled his fists into tight balls at his sides. Sam knew better than to bring Billy into this. He closed his eyes and took a slow breath. It was so much easier to regain control than it used to be. "Look, I should get going." He said calmly, ignoring the comment about his father. "I'll see you later." He left without another word._

The exchange had taken place less than three days ago, and yet it was the same argument he and his friends had gone through for a little more than thirty years. _Has it really been that long…?_ Jacob wondered to himself as the wind rushed through his long shaggy fur. How many times had they told him that there was no reason for this to continue, that no vampires would ever return to the area? But now…

He was surprised to find himself so excited upon detecting that familiar scent - that repulsive odor he hadn't come across in so long. It was as if his life had a purpose again, as if there was once again some meaning for his bleak existence. It had been years since his last encounter with a bloodsucker and he was hungry for a good fight. Jacob's jaws seemed to ache as he imagined the ripping and tearing of sinking his teeth into that cold, hard flesh.

His excitement boiling within him, the giant russet wolf broke through the trees into a dimly lit clearing where he finally came face to face with the source of that sickly sweet smell.

**XXX**

"Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" Jasper furrowed his brow as he spoke. He could feel the waves of apprehension and uncertainty coming from his newest sister.

Bella sighed heavily in return. Her entire family had been trying to change her mind ever since they arrived back in Forks the day before. "Look, I _have_ to do this. I really don't have a choice, you all know that."

"And _you_ know how dangerous this is!" Alice shook her head, frustrated. "I saw it last night, Bella. Your future totally vanishes in about…" she glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Twenty minutes. We don't know how many of them there are… if things get out of hand, it may be too much for you to handle."

"Please, don't do this…" Edward stepped forward, breaking the barrier he, Alice, and Jasper had made before the front door. He gazed into her sparkling golden eyes and gently stroked the cold ivory skin of her cheek. "At least, not alone."

"I know what I'm doing." She replied gently, entwining her hand with his. His skin which once felt so cold to her touch felt smooth and almost warm against hers. "And besides," she turned to face Alice, "I doubt there have been many vampires passing through here. So La Push won't be needing nearly as much protection as… before…" Bella glanced downward. Unlike the other Cullens, she vividly remembered her human life. Some things were still too painful to think of, even after so many years. "If I'm careful enough, I might be able to sneak into town unnoticed." She added, though she was unsure if she'd truly be able to achieve such a feat.

"Bella, love, I understand you miss him, but…" Edward's voice trailed off as he saw the pain enter his wife's eyes. "Try to reconsider, please." He whispered gently.

Jasper cut in, firm yet kind. "When you convinced us to return here, you told us this was about your father."

"And it _is_," Bella assured him, trying to hide her pain at the mention of Charlie. "But… that's not the _only_ reason I wanted to come back." She admitted. With a pleading smile, she turned back toward Edward. "Please, just a few minutes is all I need. Just long enough to see if he's okay… if he's happy." She paused. "He won't even know I'm there."

None of them spoke for a few moments; Bella could tell that the argument was coming to an end. Luckily, Carlisle and Esme had accepted her decision, so there wasn't much conflict with them. Rosalie remained indifferent, as always, and Emmett was confident that Bella could "take care of things" without any trouble. The others were the only ones who had put up a fight.

"But we don't know how he'll react if he sees you." Edward made one last attempt at persuading her. "Trust me, Bella… with enough rage behind his attack, he could really hurt you." He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently.

A shake of the head was her only reply. She knew that Jacob would never hurt her, no matter what the circumstance. _And anyway_, she thought to herself, _after all these years…_ She could almost picture it: his warm, smiling face - older, more mature, with a beautiful wife at his side… maybe even children… Her dearest friend, living out the life they could have shared together.

Edward turned helplessly toward his brother and sister, defeated. With a concerned look toward Bella, they each left the room in silence. The battle was over. "Fine." Edward said softly, reaching up to hold Bella's face in his hands. "One hour. If you're not back, I'll come looking for you." The threat was not harsh; it sounded more like a promise.

Bella laughed softly. "Alright, but you shouldn't worry so much… I'm not as breakable as I used to be." She pressed her mouth to his softly.

His lips curled into a smirk as they met hers. "One hour," he reminded her when they broke apart.

"I promise."

**XXX**

It took her less than ten minutes to reach the forest outside the reservation. Bella thrilled at the feeling of the breeze billowing through her chocolate brown hair as she flew effortlessly through the trees. It was laughable to think that she had once been so frightened when Edward had carried her with him on his back. She was finally able to understand why he always enjoyed it so much.

Upon reaching a small, open clearing, Bella paused to plan her approach. _If I head west, I may be able to sneak in by the garage…_ She hoped he still lived in the same house he had shared with Billy. _All I need is a quick glimpse through the window, then I can –_Her head snapped up, suddenly alert.

A strong, heavy odor had suddenly filled the air and it was getting more powerful by the second. It was heady, musky, and had an almost bitter quality about it. Bella had never before smelled anything like it, but she instinctively knew it could only be one thing…

_Damn…_ She thought to herself. One of them had detected her scent. Bella stood frozen in place, uncertain. There was no way this could be one of the original pack members, it had been too long. This would be someone young, new, and unfamiliar; someone who wouldn't recognize her… someone who would attack.

With a deep breath, Bella planted her feet firmly on the ground and readied herself as the immense, powerful wolf broke through the trees.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_

_Filthy, reeking bloodsucker!_ Jacob thought bitterly. He felt hot red anger boil within him at the sight of the creature – an anger he hadn't felt in years. A deep, thunderous snarl ripped through the air as he gnashed his powerful jaws, aching for the chance to kill. He crouched low for a moment, preparing to spring when –

"Oh God… Jake?"

He stopped dead. Though spoken in a low whisper, the words reached his sensitive ears with ease. There was no mistaking it. Somehow, this filthy monster knew his name! He took a step back, unsure, as his deep black eyes roved over the vampire's form.

It was female, not very tall, with long chocolate brown hair that spilled perfectly over its cold white shoulders. Its stance seemed fairly relaxed, no hint of an attack… that surprised him. Surely it would have smelled him coming. One tiny hand lay limp at the side while the other was raised, cupped lightly over the creature's mouth as if in surprise. He saved its face for last. It was blindingly beautiful, of course – he could admit that. But he knew that it was merely a way of attracting victims, nothing more. The porcelain white of its skin was flawless, smooth and glowed faintly in the dim sunlight. And its eyes…

Jacob took a step forward, in spite of himself. _No… that's impossible!_ He shook his massive head side to side in disbelief. The creature's sparkling, golden eyes bored into his, almost pleadingly. Only once had he ever seen vampires with eyes like these. He stepped forward again, despite the sickening smell. His eyes roamed the face a second time, searching. Its features were perfectly symmetrical and ideally proportioned, but this time, he could see past it.

He replaced the liquid gold with two pools of warm brown. Instead of flowing, full and lush, the gently waving hair was held up in a messy ponytail with a few missed strands hanging down the back. The face was still beautiful, but not like this; no artificial perfection, but genuine beauty. Rather than parting in surprise, the full, rosy lips were pulled back into a grin, perhaps laughing at some joke he had made as they sat together in his garage. He felt his now racing heart ache longingly at the memory.

_NO!_ With a few quick strides, the giant wolf retreated several feet, a low growl rumbling deep within his chest. _Don't let it trick you… _No matter whatever or _who_ever this leech used to be, it had crossed the boundary line, trespassed on _his _land. Jacob remained frozen in place, unsure whether to run or attack. Instead he merely stood there, waiting for the monster to make a move.

**XXX**

Bella fought her aggression with all of her strength as the enormous werewolf came into view. _Only one…? _She had been expecting the entire pack. Bella bowed her head slightly, staring at the ground. A direct look in the eye meant a challenge, and that was the last thing she wanted. Fighting her instincts, she dropped her hands limply to her sides and began thinking of what she should do. _Maybe if they see I don't plan to fight, they'll listen… Should I use Jacob's name? Will they trust me then? … What if he doesn't live here anymore? What if they've never heard of –?_

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a fierce snarl ripping through the wolf. For a moment, she was able to identify with Jasper; she could almost feel the waves of hatred and aggression shooting toward her. Bella raised her eyes slowly, looking directly at the werewolf for the first time. It had deep, red-brown fur, a bit shaggier than most others of its kind. It was unusually tall as well – several feet larger than a full-grown horse. Its shining black eyes, though narrowed in anger, were still the creature's most human feature. And something in them was inexplicably familiar… She felt her mouth drop open in shock.

"Oh God… Jake?"

His sudden reaction to her words was confirmation – she was staring into the eyes of Jacob Black.

As her old friend came closer, looking her over, Bella continued to stare in disbelief, a thousand thoughts rushing through her head. _Has he really been phasing all this time? Or maybe he's left his family at home to become a wolf again, just because of me. Will he stop aging, like before? What will they think? Why did he come alone? Where are the others? What if something happened to them – an attack? Is he the only one left…?_

The entire time, Bella studied his face carefully, searching desperately for some clue. Instead, she was met with a sign of recognition. After several tense moments, Jacob staggered backward, horrified. Her body almost shook with the force of the growl that echoed through the air. This was the reaction she had feared. There was total silence for several moments, their eyes never leaving each other. Bella knew she had to say something. With a deep breath, she slowly stepped forward, unsure of how to begin.

"I'm sorry about this, Jacob." She said finally, coming to a stop about ten feet from him. She longed to move closer, but his bitter scent and hostile demeanor prevented her from doing so. "I promised myself I'd never bother you again. But I had to, I…" Her voice trailed off. This was more difficult than she had anticipated.

Jacob had not moved an inch the entire time she had spoken. He continued to stand, still as a statue, with no reaction to her words. She decided to try a direct question; something that would require a response.

"You have no idea how wonderful it is to see you," she paused. Though Bella had undoubtedly retained more of her humanity than the rest of her family, it had been years since she had felt this level of complex, human emotion. It was extremely overwhelming. "But why are you here? Shouldn't you be at home, with your family?" She waited for several moments, but there was still no response, nothing.

"Where are the others, Jake? Where's the rest of the pack?" Again, she was met with total silence. Bella let out a long sigh. After all these years, he was still just as stubborn as always. "Please, Jake. Won't you change back and talk to me?"

Jacob did not react for several moments as he quickly weighed his options in his head. He could simply run home and leave her— _No… __'It'_ he corrected himself mentally— but he would never allow himself to act like such a coward. He could continue to stand there, pretending he could not hear the words being thrown at him, but that would be childish and foolish; something Leah would have done.

His third option was to simply attack; to rip the bloodsucker to shreds before it could say another word. But he knew, deep inside, that he could never bring himself to harm this creature. Its clever disguise brought back too many memories, which prevented him from taking any action. This only served to anger him further. With no other option, he quickly darted into the trees, returning to his original form.

For a moment, Bella's heart sank at the sight of Jacob's retreat, but she knew almost instantly that he would return. Sure enough, a few moments later, a human figure emerged from the trees, naked from the waist up. Her beautiful golden eyes widened in disbelief at the sight of him. The surprise and confusion she had felt when she had first seen him was _nothing_ compared to the horror she felt upon seeing him in his human form.

The first thing she noticed was that he had not aged a day since the last time she saw him, thirty two years before. He remained just as ageless as she was. _So it's true…_ she thought miserably. It could only mean one thing: he was alone. All this time, she had expected him to be married, to be aging alongside his family… but now she understood - he had nothing in his life worth growing old for.

And yet despite her disappointment, it was not his physical age that had truly shocked her. That much she could handle. But the look in his eyes when he stepped out of the trees was like nothing she had ever seen before.

In his human form, it was usually so much easier to see the depth and expression of his piercing gaze. But what she saw at that moment was… _nothing._ His eyes were cold, dark, and lifeless. There was no expression, no feeling, just a vast emptiness. And yet underneath it all, Bella could sense an underlying hatred, a vicious fury lingering behind his gaze. His mouth was set in a hard, angry line across his face as he stared at her with his blank, unfeeling orbs.

This was certainly not _her_ Jacob, but it was not Sam's either. This was a harsh, bitter, unfeeling Jacob. A monster. The sight of him was one of the most frightening things she had ever seen. "Oh, Jacob…" she whispered brokenly. "What's happened to you?"

For a brief instant, he was startled by her question. It was a few moments before Jacob decided to answer. "Why should you care?" He asked tersely. "Besides, I don't know what you're talking about." He addressed the area just above her right shoulder; it hurt too much to look directly into those ocher eyes.

"Don't lie to me!" Bella demanded, taking a step closer to him. The coldness of his reply had angered her, hurt her. She was beginning to dislike this new Jacob more and more. "You've changed, Jake - into something almost…" She searched for the right word. "_Inhuman._" The look on his face made her instantly regret her words.

He laughed bitterly at the irony of the accusation. "What right do you have to lecture _me_ about being 'inhuman'!" Jacob spat the words at her, trying to calm the fresh wave of anger ripping through him. "Just look at yourself…" He turned away from her, disgusted.

This time, it was Bella's turn to be angry. Without warning, she closed the distance between them in a few quick strides. Her face was mere inches from his as she spoke, trying to block out the foul odor that filled her nostrils. "Why won't you look at me!" She demanded. "I'm right here, Jake! It's _me!_" She sighed heavily. "Can't you see that?"

Jacob cringed but did not move away. He couldn't decide which stung him more – her sickening smell or the obvious pain in her voice. _Maybe I'm just being stupid… Maybe I should give her a chance… _

Very slowly, he lowered his eyes to meet hers, searching for some trace of the girl he loved behind that perfect porcelain mask.

"_Please_…" She begged him desperately.

The emotion in her voice was so pure, so sincere, so _human_. And as he gazed into her eyes, he could nearly see it. In that moment, she was_ almost_ human again; almost _his_. "Bella…" Jacob spoke her name for the first time with quivering lips.

Bella closed her eyes at the sound of her name. _Yes…_ she thought blissfully. She was finally getting through to him. With just the smallest hesitation, she reached out her hand to grasp his. The incredible difference in temperature was alarming at first, but neither showed any reaction. Gently, Bella lifted his palm to her mouth and kissed it lightly with her cold lips before resting it against her smooth cheek. She held it there, letting his soothing heat warm her skin.

Jacob closed his eyes and breathed deeply, struggling with himself. He knew it was foolish and weak to allow her to do this to him, and yet he felt no desire to fight it. A smile threatened to reach his lips when he noticed the tiny wooden wolf charm resting against the ivory skin of her wrist.

She noticed his eyes lingering over her bracelet and smiled lightly before her face once again turned serious. "Jacob, we made a promise that we would _always_ be friends, no matter what… that we would always love each other…" A small sigh escaped her lips. "I've been keeping_ my_ promise… but what about you?" Bella eyed him questioningly.

Wordlessly, Jacob let his hand slide down the side of her cheek and down the flawless skin of her long neck. Bella shuddered slightly with pleasure, ashamed of herself and glad that Edward was not watching her. Jacob's large hand finally came to a stop a few inches below her delicate collar bone. He held it there and closed his eyes, unmoving.

Beneath his palm, Jacob could feel the gentle rise and fall of Bella's chest as her breathing began to slow down. But that was all he felt – There was no movement or sound from her cold, dead heart. His eyes snapped open, just as empty and lifeless as before. _It was too good to be true…_ He thought helplessly as the perfect illusion fell to pieces around him. Without speaking, he backed away quickly, holding his now trembling fists against his head. _Why is she torturing me like this!_

Bella extended her hand toward him, startled and hurt by his sudden withdrawal. "Jacob! What's wrong? What happened?" She took several nervous steps in his direction.

"No!" Jacob shouted, his face contorting in pain. "I have to go." He continued to edge closer to the trees.

"Please, stay!" Bella continued her approach, frantic. He couldn't leave her like this. "What about your promise?"

Jacob paused a moment and turned to face her, his eyes burning into hers. "My promise," he whispered bitterly, "Was until your heart stopped beating. It's too late now." With one last look of contempt, he broke into a sprint and disappeared into the darkening wood. _I'm sorry…_

"Jacob, please!" Bella raced after him in vain, but it was hopeless. Silence filled the darkening clearing; she was alone. With a moan of grief, she sunk to her knees and held her face in her small hands, wishing she were able to cry, just once, so she could release the crushing pain that surged within her.

And for the second time in her entire existence, she truly felt like a monster.

_A/N: I hope everyone doesn't feel like Jacob's being out-of-character. I just feel like thirty years' worth of anger and bitterness would turn him into kind of a cold person (But I PROMISE that the real Jacob's under there! We've just got to find him!) And yeah, I realize that sounded pretty final and everything, but don't worry! The story is only beginning! Believe me, Bella's just a BIT more persistent than that… she won't give up so easily! Hope you're enjoying the story! Don't forget to review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three**_

The rhythmic 'tick' of the bright red second hand seemed to echo throughout the living room as it began yet another revolution around the clock's face. Edward had planted himself on the couch the moment Bella had walked out the door. His eyes had been glued to the large, hanging clock ever since.

Meanwhile, Jasper and Alice's eyes were glued to their brother. They watched him from afar, through the doorway of the large, open kitchen. It felt so strange to be back in their old home, and it was even_ stranger_ to be lingering around in one of the least-used rooms of the entire house. And yet it was the perfect place to give Edward his privacy _and_ keep a close watch on him. His mind was racing so quickly, Alice was unable to see what he'd do next and Jasper was having a hard time keeping track of Edward's ever-changing emotions.

"How long has he been sitting there?" Emmett asked with a chuckle as he entered the room. He had come in from the garage, where he was helping Rosalie tinker around with her new convertible to pass the time. She had been trying to keep out of the house as much as possible ever since they arrived, to avoid getting involved. Emmett had been going along with it, of course, but he couldn't suppress his own curiosity.

Jasper sighed, glancing down at his watch. "Forty-seven minutes." He shook his head, exasperated. "He gave her an hour, and he meant it." Jasper knew that his brother would normally hear both their voices and thoughts with ease, but Edward had not reacted to either. His mind was elsewhere.

Emmett glanced back over at Edward, amused. "You know, if I were Bella, I'd feel pretty insulted about this whole thing… He really doesn't believe she can handle herself?"

Alice had to crane her neck upward to look her brother in the eye. "To be honest, I'm not too sure she could either." She paused, noticing the look of skepticism in Emmett's eyes. "And it's not just about who's stronger; she _cares_ about those wolves. There's no way she'd ever hurt any of them… especially not _him_."

"Well I still say he's got nothing to worry about." Emmet shrugged.

To his surprise, Alice nodded in agreement. "Well, not _now, _at least. I've been able to see her future again for the past five minutes. She should be back any second now."

Jasper turned to face her, his surprise visible on his face. "And you didn't think to tell him, to save him a little grief?" He eyed her questioningly, a hint of disapproval in his glance.

She smiled sheepishly. "I did _think_ about telling him… but it's kinda fun to see him all worked up like this." Alice admitted. "Reminds me of the old days…" She couldn't suppress a grin.

Laughing heartily, Emmett patted his large hand on his sister's tiny shoulder appreciatively. Even Jasper had to crack a smile. With a tiny giggle, Alice leaned forward to peck him on the cheek. Suddenly, all of their eyes all snapped toward the window at the sound of a distant rustling in the trees.

"Right on time!" Alice smiled.

"Emmett?" Rosalie's delicate voice rang clearly from the garage.

"Coming!" At the sound of his name, Emmett headed for the door hastily. "Gotta get back to Rose… she thinks I came in here to grab another wrench." He pulled a shining silver tool from his back pocket with a wink. "Let me know how it goes."

Jasper and Alice stepped into the hall where Edward already waited impatiently. His eyes flashed to meet Jasper's. "Can you tell how it went?" He muttered.

Jasper could already feel the waves of emotion hitting him. _Anguish, pain, anger, guilt, longing._

Seeing the emotions in his brother's mind, Edward sighed heavily.

Alice bit her lip, looking up at Jasper. "That bad, huh?"

Before he could respond, the front door flew open. Bella stood in the doorway, the pain visible on her face. Wordlessly, she ran immediately to Edward's waiting arms. "We never should have come back…" she muttered as he kissed the top of her head lightly. "Why did you let me talk you into this?"

Alice approached her sister, smiling softly. "Don't blame this on us, Bella," she said gently. "It was _your_ choice to come here; we just decided not to let you do it alone." She was given no reply. It was terrible to see Bella in so much pain. _There must be some way we can help…_ She turned toward Jasper pleadingly. Her husband glanced over at Edward, who nodded.

"Bella…" Jasper said softly, opening his arms to her.

A bit reluctantly, she broke away from Edward and wrapped her arms gently around Jasper, who embraced her tightly. Despite the heightened power given to him by this physical contact, Jasper was still unable to fully calm Bella's emotions; they were simply too strong.

Still, it _did_ help a bit, and allow her to think more clearly. "Thanks." Bella muttered, trying to smile.

Jasper merely nodded in reply, returning her smile and trying to hide the concern on his face.

As Bella returned to Edward's side, Alice and Jasper discreetly retreated up the stairs to give them some privacy.

Anxious, Edward led Bella to the living room couch where she sat beside him, curling up against his chest. With Jasper's absence, some of the pain had returned, but not entirely; the effects of his gift were still at work. "You should have seen him, Edward…" she whispered. "It was horrible."

He stroked her hair gently, unsure of how to respond. _Here she is, grieving over that __dog__, just like last time._ The thought angered him, hurt him; but it was overshadowed by his concern for the woman he loved. It was almost unbearable to witness her suffering.

"I've never seen him like that, so cold… so heartless…" Bella closed her eyes, trying to fight the pain of the memory. It was a few moments before she could continue. "_I_ did that to him." She said finally. "I turned him into a monster…"

With a sudden movement, he bent down to gently hold her face between both of his hands and stare deeply into those golden eyes which mirrored his own. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Bella." He said in a strong whisper. "It was _his_ choice to be miserable like this; _his_ choice to refuse to move on, not yours." Edward's eyes softened, a certain sadness behind them. "I understand that you love him. And I understand if seeing him again might make you feel some… regret…" He struggled with the word. "But there's no going back now, love…"

It took Bella a moment to fully understand what he was implying. Rolling her eyes at the ridiculous notion, she reached up and held _his_ face in_ her _hands. "And don't _you_ dare believe that I regret any of this! I love you." She paused to kiss him softly. "_This_ is what I want… what I've always wanted, more than anything else in the world."

She wanted to say "The only thing I've ever wanted", but that would be a lie. The thought of this sent a fresh new wave of guilt rushing through her. Bella tried to hide her emotion, but she could tell from the look on Edward's face that she had failed.

"I understand that… I'm sorry for ever having doubted you, but…" Edward took a deep breath. "That doesn't change the fact that you've been hurt _again_ by all of this. It's torture to see you in so much pain." He said softly, caressing her porcelain cheek gently. "So I think it may be best if you don't see him again." Edward paused and gauged her reaction carefully, waiting for a response.

Bella nodded miserably. "I'd love to disagree with you," she admitted, "But there's no way he'll let me get near him again… he hates me…" Holding her face in her hands, she curled once again against the cold, hard chest of her husband and let her emotion overtake her.

Unsure of whether to feel relief or despair, Edward merely sat at her side silently, wishing there were some way he could take away her pain.

**xxx**

A soft knock on the door reached Alice's ears. She and Jasper had been lounging on the couch in her bedroom, talking quietly. She lifted her head from his chest. "Come in," she called out softly.

Their parents entered the room soundlessly, closing the door behind them. Both had been finding ways of keeping themselves busy the entire day, fighting the temptation to intervene. They had promised to let Bella handle the situation herself, to not get involved, but their curiosity had finally gotten the better of them.

"I heard her come back a few minutes ago," Carlisle muttered softly. "How did things go with Jacob?" He asked warily, fearing he already knew the answer.

Jasper shook his head sadly. "Not well." The look in his eyes told them much more than his words.

At Carlisle's side, Esme's face fell. "The poor thing… Was it really that bad?"

Before Jasper could answer, Alice raised a finger, her eyes closing briefly. When she opened them, she was smiling softly, admiring her sister's persistence. "It couldn't have gone _that_ badly… she's seeing him again tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four**_

Jacob walked down the nearly deserted streets of La Push with his head down and hands shoved deep into his pockets. The last traces of sunlight were beginning to fade as he hastily headed back toward his home. He needed time to calm down, to think. And to decide what to do.

His mind was far away as the warm summer breeze blew across his face. Lost in thought, he barely noticed when a tiny figure collided with his legs. "Uncle Jake!" A small voice cried.

Jacob looked down, startled, to find Quil and Claire's four-year-old son, Isaac, clinging tightly to his legs. He had come to a stop in front of their house. Forcing a smile, Jacob reached down to ruffle the child's hair playfully. "Hey, kid! Where's your mom and dad?"

As if in answer to his question, Quil emerged from inside the house, his very pregnant wife following close behind him. "Isaac! Come back here! How many times do we have to tell you, it's dangerous to – Oh! Jake!" The usual smile returned to Quil's face at the sight of his friend.

"Jacob!" Claire smiled sweetly at him. "We weren't expecting you! Would you like to come in?"

"Well, uh… Actually, I was just heading home." Jacob muttered nervously, hoping he wouldn't offend her. He had watched Claire grow and change so much over the years; she had become something of a little sister to him– a little sister who was more than ten years older than him, physically, at least.

"Stay and play with me!" Isaac whined.

Jacob shook his head, smiling. "Not today… maybe tomorrow, as long as you're a good boy for your mommy."

Claire laughed and beckoned her son to her side. "You can play with Uncle Jake later… it's time for dinner."

Reluctantly, Isaac waved goodbye to Jacob and followed his mother inside. "See you later, Jake!" Claire called as she shut the door behind them.

Jacob stood in silence for a moment or two, kicking the dirt around at his feet. He really wanted to be alone, but he knew it would be rude to just leave his friend so suddenly. He took a deep breath. "So…" He said as casually as he could manage. "Claire looks like she's doing well."

"Yeah…" Quil replied, smiling slightly. "The doctor says any day now…"

Jacob stared at his friend for a long moment, marveling on how much everything had changed. Of the entire pack, Quil had been the last one to stop phasing. Sometimes Jacob wondered whether he was waiting for Claire, or simply enjoyed being a wolf too much to quit. Perhaps it was a combination of the two.

It felt as though such little time had passed since then, and yet here Quil stood, a grown man, while his friend remained unchanged. But their physical appearance no longer mattered; they always looked older than their true ages anyway. For the past three decades, Jacob's driver's license had said he was twenty-three; Quil's currently put him at thirty-seven. Yet in truth, they were both nearly fifty years old.

"Jacob, what's wrong?" Quil's sigh broke the silence, awakening Jacob from his reverie.

He shrugged in reply. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do." His friend said firmly, crossing his arms. "Something's not right with you, I can tell." He surveyed him for a moment. "Jeez… you're so pale! You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

Jacob's eyes lowered toward the ground. "Something like that…" He muttered, his voice shaking slightly. "Only so much worse."

It took a moment for Quil to understand. He shook his head in disbelief, but the look in his friend's eyes confirmed his fears. "They're back?! You've got to be kidding me! There's no way… I can't believe that she, that Bella, would --"

"She's _not_ Bella anymore." Jacob snarled, cutting him off. "And I can't believe it any more than you can."

"Well have you told Sam? Maybe he can get everyone together and we can –" The look his friend gave him prevented Quil from continuing.

"No, you _can't_… None of you can. I'm not letting you give up everything just for my sake." Jacob shook his head. "I can handle this."

"Well, depending on how long they plan to stay, we might not have a choice." Quil muttered. "The longer they stay here, the greater the risk that, well…"

"Yeah, I know!" Jacob snapped, beginning to lose his temper. The presence of vampires in the area was extremely dangerous, and it meant that La Push would once again need protection. And with only one wolf left, the time would soon come for more to join the pack. Jacob shuddered at the thought of one of his friends' children sharing his fate.

Quil sighed in frustration. "Well do you know why they're here?"

Jacob shook his head. "No clue; I didn't want to waste time talking to that… _thing_. She tried to suck me in, to make me remember how things used to be… but I didn't let her." He said proudly. "You know I'm stronger than that."

"Hmm…" Quil muttered, thinking. He had always really liked Bella, despite the unfavorable company she kept. But she had broken his friend's heart; and Quil had been forced to share that pain for many years. What reason could she have for coming back? "Unless…."

His friend raised an eyebrow. "Unless what?"

"Well… what if they came back… because of _you_?"

Jacob laughed, scoffing at the idea. "Why? To trick me? To hurt me? To piss me off? Those bloodsuckers may be heartless, but I doubt they'd go through so much trouble for something so pointless!"

"No, not that!" Quil shook his head. "I mean, well… when you said she tried to remind you of the old days… what do you mean, exactly? Did she sound… I dunno, _guilty_ or something?"

"Maybe a little… I mean, she said she was sorry. And, well… some other things…" _Like that she still loved me…_ Jacob shook away the memory. "But what does it matter? I'm telling you, that filthy leech was just playing some twisted game with me, that's _all_!"

"But what if she wasn't?" Quil replied. "Look, as much as I hate to say this, maybe… maybe she just wanted to see you!"

"Yeah, that would make sense if it was _Bella _we were talking about!" Jake closed his eyes, frustrated. "I'm telling you, it _wasn't_ her. She died a long time ago…" He murmured.

His friend merely shook his head in reply and headed back toward his house. Quil paused when he reached the door. "Think whatever you want, Jacob. But I really think you should talk to her. You can handle yourself if things get out of hand; if this turns out to really be some 'trick'. Just think about it, okay? You want to see her… more than you're willing to admit." He closed the door behind him and was gone without another word.

**XXX**

Jacob lay in bed for hours that night, staring blankly at the ceiling. Normally he spent most of the night in the forest, acting as an unnecessary protector for his tribe. But instead he remained at home, trying to fight the truth of Quil's words. _Could she really have come back… for __me__?_ He thought back to their meeting, to the things she had told him. The desperation and pain in her voice seemed to echo in his mind. She had seemed so genuine, so sincere… Could it be possible that she had missed him just as much as he had missed her?

He traveled even farther back, more than thirty years before… to the last time he had seen her _alive_. It was shortly after the battle with the newborns. He had been stuck in bed, still recovering from his injuries, when she had come. He knew the moment he looked into her eyes that he would never see her again. She seemed so upset, so angry with herself. That was when he decided to give up, to stop fighting; it wasn't worth it to hurt her like that. He knew that she loved him; even shared his dream of a life together… but nothing could stop the crushing realization that she would never be his.

It was almost laughable to think that she had once called him her "sun". Didn't she understand that it was the other way around? Despite his love for his brothers, Jacob had struggled for so long with what he was; he felt like a freak, a monster… sometimes he still did. And yet having Bella beside him, knowing that she accepted him no matter what, it gave him hope, strength, light… But then she was taken from him, gone forever. His sun had been dragged down below the horizon; He had been living beneath a black sky ever since.

There was another memory tugging at his mind, even stronger than the first. It was one he could not escape.

It was at the end of August thirty-two years ago, a few weeks before the start of his Junior year of High School.

_"Jake?" Billy's strong voice carried from the front porch down to his son's garage in the back of the house._

_"Coming!" Jacob replied instantly, lifting himself from the ground and wiping his greasy hands on his jeans. He had been spending a lot of time in the garage lately, tinkering with the Rabbit. It was a _

_good way to keep busy and have some time alone. Anything to avoid thinking about how much he'd soon be losing… and had already lost._

_When he entered the house, Jacob found his father waiting for him in the tiny living room, looking very nervous. He wheeled himself forward slightly when his son entered, but did not speak. Jacob sighed heavily at this. Already he could sense that his dad had something he wanted to talk about. Why all the build up? _

_"I just got off the phone." Billy said finally. He paused. "With Charlie."_

_With a deep breath, Jacob closed his eyes and forced himself to remain calm. _I should have known this would be coming…_ he thought. "Oh." He said simply._

_Billy nodded, clearing his throat softly."I guess Bella's leaving for, uh… 'college' tomorrow morning." He continued uncertainly, not quite able to look his son in the eye. Jacob did not reply. "She wants to see you." Billy told him._

_"Really." Jacob spoke slowly, fighting to control himself. "Then why didn't __she__ call me herself?"_

_His father sighed. "According to Charlie, she doesn't think you'd come. But apparently she's pretty upset about it."_

_Jacob lifted his eyes from the floor, looking directly at his father. "She's right. I won't come."_

_"Jacob, please." Billy shook his head. He feared his son would react like this. "This may be your last chance…"_

_"Look, dad. It's not that I don't want to. I just __can't__." Jacob tried to hide the pain in his eyes. "Just like I wanted to be there for that stupid wedding… but I couldn't."_

_"Couldn't you just __try__?" Billy made one last attempt to get through to him._

_"No." Jacob replied firmly. "I can't go through with that again."_

_"You owe her this, Jacob. She's still your friend."_

_"Yes," Jacob agreed sadly. "But that doesn't change anything." He was out the front door without another word. _

_He had spent nearly the entire day in the forest, consumed by his grief. He did not return until nearly midnight. The next morning, he forced himself to remain in bed until past noon, fighting the urge to run after her, to try and stop her. _I love you, _He thought miserably, wishing she could hear him._ Promise you'll never forget…

He always regretted missing that last chance to say goodbye. But he had been a coward… And he was _still_ a coward. After all these years, she had come to him, tried to make amends, but he was too afraid to face his past. He had let her down by not saying goodbye that day… and he had let her down yet again. _She must hate me…_

Jacob sat up suddenly, his decision made. He had to see her, to talk to her… she could not hate him; he wouldn't let her. A part of him still doubted whether the creature he had seen that day was _really_ the girl he loved. But he knew that it did not matter - he couldn't just end it the way he did in the 

clearing. She deserved better than that. He would go to her, he would let her talk, and he would listen. What more could he do?

He glanced at the clock. It was past midnight, but he knew that time meant little to the Cullens. Jacob leapt from his bed and within mere moments, he was flying. The faintest traces of her scent still filled the air. He followed it desperately, pushing his four legs as fast as they could carry him. He wasn't sure if he would be able handle facing her again or speak to her without losing his temper. But he had to try, for her…

_For Bella…_

_A/N:_ _Sorry for the total lack of action in that chapter! There will be more Bella and Jacob interaction in the next chapter, as well as some more heart-wrenching emotion (can you tell I __love__writing all that depressing stuff? Hahahahaha) And I KNOW it seems right now that my story doesn't really have much of a "plot" to it, but there will be fighting, conflict, and action later… the story's only just begun! PLEASE review and thanks so much for reading!_

_PS: There is this song by Teddy Geiger called "Sunshine Fires" that hasn't been released yet, but you can find live vids on youtube. It's a GREAT song and really sounds like it's about Jacob from Bella's POV… you should check it out!_


End file.
